Comedy Shows

My friends Jeff and Edwin, as well as myself, opened for the very funny Bo Burnham last thursday. The show went really well and the audience was great. I was happy that a bunch of people I know were at the show whom I didn't even know would be there. Thanks guys!



Here's a list of my open-to-the-public, upcoming shows I know about right now.





Friday, November 26th: Doing improv with And More! Improv. Only $5 at the Edison Valley Playhouse. Show is at 10PM.



Wednesday, December 3rd: Performing a short set with my sketch group Lady Suit, which is just starting up, at School Night at the UCB Theatre in NYC. Show is FREE at 11PM.



Thursday, December 4th: Quaint Little Coffee Shop is performing a long-form improv set in a comedy show at Demarest, which is a dormitory at Rutgers University. The night begins at 8PM. IT IS FREE!



Saturday, December 6th: I'm a finalist in the New Jersey Stand-Up Comedy Festival. The show is at 8PM at The Pollak Theatre at Monmoth University, NJ. It is $5 and will feature myself plus the 24 other comedians I'm competing against.

Wednesday, December 17th: Lady Suit will be doing it's second spot at School Night at the UCB Theatre in NYC! Once again this show is free and starts at 11PM. Big comedians are always in these shows, so check it out!

Thursday, December 18th: The final Quaint Little Coffee Shop show of the year. Featuring the special guests Death By Improv and, as always, FREE COFFEE. Only $5, for about a trillion dollars worth of enjoyment. Strongly suggested you attend.


That's all, dudes. I'm looking to add more stand-up shows. I'll update this as I do.

I Am Proud

I am proud for a multitude of reasons to live in an America where Barak Obama was elected president last night.

Home In Thought

The last poem I have from my Freshman year poetry class, all of which I found in a folder in my closet recently. Enjoy this. I'm a pretty shitty poet.



Home In Thought

How different we are that you would read a great poem and say it's almost like a
painting. And I will look at a painting and call it poetic.
I came to your house last night
Even though you weren't expecting me
Even though I shouldn't have gone
And explained something to you that you didn't understand.
But I love you anyway.

Another Old Poem, This One About a Bird!

Strangely enough, if you were to ask me two weeks ago about the poems I wrote in my freshman class, this is the only one I would have remembered in detail. Looking back, I have no idea what made me want to write this poem. But, observing the teacher's comments below, I got a solid A and the words "Excellent idea and execution" are listed. So, take that mofos! The nineteen year old me was much smarter than the current version of me, though. I don't think I get my poem anymore.



Some Impeccable Bird

I took a walk on the beach, the other day, when I spotted a small bird. I couldn't tell what kind of bird it was. I thought it might have been a pigeon. I stared and I gawked and I thought about the bird. And after I thought about it, I gawked and I stared some more. Pigeons aren't supposed to be on the beach, I thought. Seagulls are. If pigeons start taking over the beach, where will all the seagulls go? I started toward the intruding bird to see if it would move. At that moment, a uniformed officer approached me and informed me that the beach was closed and I wasn't supposed to be there. Maybe beaches are only for the seagulls.

My Freshman Year Poetry # 4

This is probably the worst poem ever.


The Stuff I Carry

A schedule to tell me
Where to be
A wallet so I
Know where I am
And a phone
In case I am needed somewhere else

I LOVE THIS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbIGbZ6gq_Y

This is just a great bit. He came up with it just in conversation with Conan, but I hope it ends up in his stand-up.

More of My Old Poetry!

So, for those of you who are just starting to read these, I found a folder of poetry I wrote during my Creative Writing-Poetry class freshman year at Rutgers, four years ago. And I am sharing one a day. This one is fucking deep! And I specifically remember my teacher gasping out loud at the last sentence, the first time I read it to the class.

Note: "Your heart is made of burnt meatloaf" is the best sentence I've ever written.


The Gravy

Why is there gravy on the floor?
The table setting is wrong.
You didn't let the dog out. I told you
But you didn't.
The milk is spoiled.
The milk is spoiled. You didn't
Buy the right kind.
Why is there gravy on the floor?
You don't listen
To me when I talk.
Your heart is made of burnt meatloaf. I told you
All about that thing,
The one you were so angry about.
But you didn't listen.
Why is there gravy on the floor?
Why is there gravy on the floor?
You didn't do what I told you to do.
And why is there gravy on the floor.

I saw you with her.
I SAW you with her.

why is there gravy on the floor the table setting is wrong you didn't let the dog out I told you to but you didn't the milk is spoiled THE MILK IS SPOILED you didn't buy the right kind WhY is THERE GRAVY ON THE FLOOR YOU don't HAVE A HEART you don't listen to me when I talk I TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT THAT THING the one you were so angry about but you DIDN'T LISTEN why is there gravy on the floor WHY IS THERE GRAVY ON THE FLOOR you didn't do what I told you to do and why is there gravy ON THE FLOOR

My mom came to me yesterday and complained about the garbage never going out.
Fuck, I said. I'll take the garbage out.
But, then you have to divorce dad.